Sunny-side up or Scrambled – I’m Taking Orders

Posted by mwallach on July 24, 2011 in New To You, New Yorkers |

Dear That’s Life,
Although it is probably not good for business, I have often said I am my own best audience. Some may think my giggling on the air is nervous laughter, but it’s not. Pathetic as it may be, I crack myself up.

I do certain things to amuse myself, knowing that even if I am the only one to appreciate the punchline, it is still worth doing. Sharing my most recent antics, I elicit only eye rolling, but that is okay with me. As far as I am concerned, if you laugh, that’s great – but if I make myself laugh, that’s better.

During the summer, the air conditioning in my office works beyond my wildest dreams. Upon arriving each morning, I don a fleece sweatshirt and wrap myself in a mutli-colored blanket. Pairs of socks fill my desk drawer, ready in case of emergency. Believe me when I tell you: I am not complaining. Cold is good, as I am always willing to throw on a pair of flannel pajamas. Akin to a city cooling center, people walk in to the office just to freeze the sweat on their foreheads before heading back into G-d’s oven. I, on the other hand, happily check my cold nose, pretending to be a healthy dog.

With the weekend’s record high temperatures, the A/C in the office kept up, although I never needed the sweatshirt. That’s just how hot it was. I had already been to Dunkin Donuts, ready to avail myself of their various flavored iced coffees. With temperatures surpassing 100 degrees before noon, it was particularly peculiar that the store’s parking lot was basically empty in the middle of the day. I thought it was luck. Being able to avoid what would normally be a massive line was going to be a readily accepted gift. Who knew it would be a booby-prize.

I walked into the store and lo and behold: it was hotter inside than it was out. The lights were all off, the remaining few employees sweating profusely behind the counter. With no one sitting at tables and no one waiting on line, it took no time at all to determine that the air conditioning had broken. The person who took my order confirmed that but, already in a full sweat, I decided to get what I came for. The customers who followed me into the store did not do the same, physically recoiling when they walked in, the wall of heat hitting them upon entry. More for me, I thought. New York was shmoiling and before I left with my iced coffee, I paid for an extra cup of ice, certain the ice in my drink would fully melt before I returned to the office.

Needing to do something to make myself smile, the heat provided inspiration, not just perspiration. A self-proclaimed smart-alleck, I may just pass the time or make light of a situation by doing something funny. A firm believer in making lemonade out of the lemons life may have doled out, there was very little I could do to improve the sweltering heat. But if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. The timing was perfect for a good joke, one sure to make others smile. And I was just the girl to answer the call.

Cooking an egg on the sidewalk during criminally hot temperatures provides enjoyment for all. Merely walking around with a dozen eggs made some heads turn and when asked why I was walking around with eggs, my response made many smile. Soon enough, despite all the actual work people had to do, I had an audience. The heat made everyone anxious for a distraction, and nothing says, “Let’s break up the work day” like cracking an egg on blacktop.

Posting the pictures on Facebook, I asked friends to place their bets as to how long it would take the egg to cook. If I was interested in physics at all, I would have been fascinated by the speed at which the yolk cooked versus the snail’s pace of the albumen. It was not my intention to experiment – it was only my intent to amuse. And amuse I did.

Iced coffee in hand, I recorded the egg’s progress on my phone, uploading each picture to my Facebook wall. Having enjoyed myself immensely and done the best with the heat that I could, I cleaned up the egg whose yolk took only 33 minutes to cook completely. If only I had cracked the egg in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot, I might have given those sad employees something to smile about. Maybe next time.
MLW

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