Lights, Camera, Action? No, Thank you.

Posted by mwallach on October 11, 2012 in New To You |

Dear That’s Life,
Without exaggeration, I have heard the line “You guys should really have a reality TV show” no less than five times over the last few weeks. From different people under varying circumstance, it seems people around me are being entertained by my life, regardless if I find the moment entertaining or not at all. I can see it now: the Kardashians, Kate Gosselin, moms who parade their toddler daughters around at beauty pageants and me. That’s one helluva holiday party guest list. Sounds like a sick joke.

In my opinion, nothing about my life as a Jewish mom of 6 children would make sense within the reality show world that currently exists. After I had my youngest, a close friend of mine decided we should have a reality TV show, simply because she had come up with a name. “You need to have ONE more,” she explained, “and then you could be Miriam and Stephen – plus seven!” Of course, that would require us to mispronounce my husband’s name every week, and for me to have another child. Neither were options.

On the other hand, I would like to see a reality show smash-up that involved my family. Super Nanny could come spend the week while Gene Simmons joined us for shabbat dinner. Then right before Padma Lakshmi would tell me to pack my knives and go, we will have already voted someone off the island. After that, we could go hang with the guys who star in that show about people who live in a trailer park (did you even know there was a show about that?) and then I’d wrap it all up as I tango across the stage with Drew Lachey, and wave Bristol Palin good-bye. Now, that would be fun, but alas – are not options either.

The first comment came when I was on line in the supermarket with two of my daughters who had different ideas than I did for what I should be buying. My shopping list seems irrelevant to them, because with every item I took out of the cart, they put something else in. For every bag of chips and gallon of ice cream that made me roll my eyes and which were promptly removed, in came another box of cereal. Had these two of my children been the youngest in the family, it might have been understandable. Unfortunately, one of them was my oldest. Barely able to stifle my frustration, it took only a dirty look to end her escapades. My other daughter is significantly younger than my oldest and at this point, my death stares mean nothing to her. Getting her to stop would have required either an act of G-d or abandoning my cart and going home. Neither were options.

The gentleman behind us on line as well as the woman in front began to take note of the steady exchange between me and my daughter. Seems she found any and every item in the store that she had ever been advertised during the shows she watched and put them in my cart. One by one, she brought it over, told me about it and placed it on top of the heap which already existed. And one by one, I handed it back to her. “But Mommy…” she pleaded, but I was not budging. Disappointed but not deterred, she returned the item to its appropriate spot, only to pick up something else.

As if we were unknowingly playing a game, this back and forth continued about ten times, much to the amusement of the man and woman on line with us. I had not even realized anyone was noticing what was going on until I looked up and saw them both giggling. “She’s quite persistent,” the woman said with a smile. “I’ll give her that.” I nodded in agreement, knowing what she was like at home as well.

Returning this time with a box of donuts that we did not need but I could live with, I told her to put it in the cart. Satisfied and excited, the process stopped and the game ended. Looking up at the man behind me, he began to laugh.

“She won!” he said. “I can’t believe it.” Had he known better, he never would have bet against her. “It was like watching a reality TV show!” he added. I smirked. “Thanks,” I said, “but you only found it entertaining because it’s not your life.”

Sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Welcome to my world.

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