Oh, Just Be Quiet.

Dear That’s Life,
I often hear words or phrases coming out of my children’s mouths that I know I have said myself. Sarcastic tone, excellent timing and pitch perfect, it is as if I am a ventriloquist, able to throw my voice and have it come out of the mouths of babes. It is when they use my own words against me that I know I am in trouble.

I have no idea why I never thought of this before, but the ice pack is the world’s best childhood remedy. For years, we have diligently used the ever great bandaid to fix all that ails anyone 6 and under. However, it ultimately became costly and inefficient. We were constantly running out of bandaids when we actually needed them and could not even find them when we didn’t. After a while, our kids were indiscriminately distributing bandaids to each other, covering themselves in them, looking like they had been attacked by a swarm of bees. Something had to be done.

My husband took care of matters the way he usually does: on-line. After finding some close out site with large inventories of various unrelated items, he ordered some 5,000 bandaids and had them delivered to our house. He was very proud of his purchase and impressed by its minimal cost. So fed up with running out of bandaids, this is how he handled the situaion. I was doubtful that the quality of this purchase would be worth even the pennies he paid for them, imagining that they would not stick at all or would just peel off. I was wrong – they were actually pretty good.

Nevertheless, buying 5,000 bandaids was simply crazy. There was no other word for it. I tried to convince him that this was not the answer. In addition, I pointed out that if I was being the adult in this or any situation, that was a bad sign. There had to be a better answer and there was – the ice pack.

Ice packs are incredible. You already have some, they are reusuable and they actually help alleviate the pain of an injury. They have immediate therapeutic qualities and are far less embarrassing than admitting you own 5,000 bandaids.

The lines “Go get an ice pack” and “Do you want an ice pack?” are now heard on a daily basis in our home. They are actually now part of an ongoing joke. When we recently had friends join us for shabbat, they quickly caught on to our ice pack craze. I explained the method to the madness and how much more efficient they were than using bandaids all the time. Injuries of any size and of any degree of seriousness benefit from the application of ice. An ice pack validates that an actual injury occurred, I said, and costs me nothing. The bag of frozen peas or cranberries that I often offer a “patient” work just as well as Boo Boo Bunny or some other ridiculous product aimed at fleecing parents. And the best part of it all is that I then can avoid the need for my husband to purchase another 5,000 bandaids. They understood where I was coming from, but still thought I was crazy.

About 5 weeks ago, my thumb got caught in a clamp used to secure the rear seats in my car. The bench had been folded up to expand the trunk, but needed to go back down when more seating was necessary. I slammed down the seats as I normally do, which is needed to catch the clamp, but did not realize my thumb was there. It was very bloody and incredibly painful. Even now, it is still black and blue, I don’t have complete sensation and if I hit it the wrong way, I see stars.
Let me fast forward to why that injury is relevant.

Getting dressed the other day and speaking to my middle schooler at the same time, I managed to nick my thumb nail on the edge of my door. Immediately, my face went white and I was unable to speak. A violent pain surged through my finger and my daughter quickly caught what had happened.

“I just saw that,” she said, and asked me repeatedly if I was okay. Still unable to gather any words, I just stared at her. “Mommy, are you okay?” she asked again, but I said nothing. But then, as to be expected by any child of mine, with a twinkle in her eye she said, “Would you like an ice pack? I hear they provide a lot of relief.” My stare changed to a glare.

Funny how my words came back to me right at that moment…

MLW
P.S.. Ironically, I just got a paper cut while typing this article. Luckily, I have a bandaid.